red and orange nights.

The night crept in, as it often does -- a soft sea of black closing in on the red and orange canvas. The night was as beautiful as any you could hope to see. In the streets outside; there was a beautiful chill and a strange melancholy to the air. A short walk on this particular night would fuel your soul with a decade's worth of desire and memories and hopes. A guy and a girl could walk and talk and feel the magic; the magic that comes when day turns to night, and boy turns to girl.

But everyone was sitting at home on Facebook writing on walls, poking, and 'liking'. The night was missed, and nobody ever knew it existed.

The End.
Of Our Lives.
If We're Not.
Careful.

go a different way.

Life happens quickly, then you die.

People repress you, then you die. People fight with you, then you die. People are jealous of you, then you die. People are destructive towards you, then you die. Or maybe you are repressive, a fighter, jealous and destructive. Either way you are numerous things and then you die.

Or you could go a different way. We have a tendency to moan about the people in our lives; we'll work for ten years with a repressive boss, we'll spend thirty years putting up with a jealous, destructive friend. Well, I'm telling you, you can go another way.

The first thing to do is accept that you are part of the problem. You play the victim, you sit there like fresh fish. You play a role which allows someone to be jealous of you, or angry towards you. So the first thing you can do is address this pattern with the person causing you strife. Or, if you are strong enough-- you can change the pattern; you can choose not to be victimized.

Or maybe it's time to let someone go or change your situation. Quite often it's pretty obvious and you've had everyone who knows you saying, "I don't know how you put up with it."

"Jealousy is fear of abandonment." -unknown.

When a jealous person fears losing you, they'll do anything they can to undermine your relationships and opportunities; and they'll do it by playing on your insecurities. So when things go wrong, you feel like you're to blame. A person who does this is not someone you want in your life. Their jealousy becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, because to NOT abandon them will leave you repressed and miserable for the REST of your life.

You are made to feel like shit, and then you die. Or you can go a different way.

It's one year ago today that my Uncle went out for some milk, and was killed crossing the road as a speeding motorbike struck him down, severing his leg; leaving him dying in the street. Things can really end that quickly. The great thing about his life is that in the five years prior to his death he changed his life completely, and in a birthday card to his wife, my Aunt, not long before his death; he wrote that it had been the best year of his life.

Life is short. If you die tomorrow, you need to make sure you righted the wrongs in your life. Getting rid of the destructive people in your life isn't a task for some distant, hazy tomorrow, it's for today.

Better Days

Isn't today a wonderful day? And I feel bad because I'm losing touch with you, internet. Outside it's a wonderful day. It might be sunny, it might be raining -- either way, I'm still breathing. You're still breathing. Everyone is still breathing. So today is a good day.

If you're worried about smiling, it just takes one smile to make a smile and we can all do it right now. Go smile at a stranger, see them nearly have a heart attack when they see it. Who cares, they're still breathing.

Isn't today a wonderful day? You can jump up in the air. You're allowed. You can have your iPod really loud. You're allowed. You can email an old friend. It's allowed. You can have a beer. It's allowed. You can watch an old movie. It's allowed. You can say to your boss "in a minute, I'm doing something". It's allowed.

You're allowed to have a wonderful day. Let's have a day free of repression, depression and reflection. Let today be today. You're breathing, I'm breathing, our houses are standing and there's tea in the pot.

Come on, I'm not joking.. keep that smile on your face.

Feel it. Feel alive, feel some pride, feel everything.

Today is a great day. And if someone you love is not having such a good day, maybe they can't have the best day ever, but you can make it a bit better. You can make them breath easier. All it takes is a phone call. A box of chocolates. A bad joke. A smile. A ticket. A song. A Dance. A dream.

Wow, what an amazing day.

I'm breathing, you're breathing, and Van Morrison is on the radio.
I'm breathing, you're breathing, and someone loves you.
I'm breathing, you're breathing, and you deserve some ice cream today.
I'm alive, you're alive, and we feel alright.

What a day to be alive. And the good news is? Tomorrow's looking just the same.

Just get on with it.

I had this feeling and it said "when she's not in your life, you'll be a lot happier," and it's funny, because it sounded just like that voice that spoke to me the other day, it said, "When you have that job, and you live in that house-- you'll feel like fresh air, you'll feel as fine as the sand you'll see out your window."

And I. can. almost. feel it. I am almost me, I just need to get there first. I just need to get that love in my life, and I need to get that paycheck and I need to get that plane ride. When I have those, I'll be that amazing me I've always known I would be. You know who I mean-- it's the me who has a great tan, and a smile-- and my jokes hit the spot because I'm so relaxed and at ease when I tell them.

I'll be so much better then. I keep meaning to be that version of me, like when I'm in a shop and the woman is taking ages to scan my shopping. I keep meaning to smile, and be at ease with it; because life is wonderful. But life isn't quite wonderful. There's too much going on, I'm too busy and my head is all abuzz. If Johnny wasn't ill, and Claire wasn't being awkward and if my boss would listen to me, then I would be happy; because one day, I'm going to inspire people, and do charity work, and change the world bit by bit. But yeah, after that stuff is sorted out.

But hold on.

It's just like a few years back when I was almost ready to be that better version of me. I was going to let my hair be more natural, I was going to be less uptight, I was going to smile-at-you and I was going to be wonderful. But there were reasons I couldn't back then-- just like now.

The nature of life...

..Is that if Johnny isn't ill, then Mary will probably be ill. And if Claire isn't being awkward, then Natalie is probably going to be really manipulative; and if my boss was listening to me; then maybe my Brother would not understand me. The nature of life is that there are always obstacles.

Does that mean I can never be the wonderful version of me? Will life always stop me from smiling? Will it stop me from being the random, freewheelin' stumbler I am in my imagination? Why am I not the cool, loving, at ease soul who I feel in my heart? What is stopping him from being?

Well if Johnny is ill and my brother isn't understanding me and Natalie is being manipulative, in fact; even if everything seems to be stumbling and falling-- couldn't I just be happy anyway? Wouldn't that makes things better?

I could smile, I could be joyful. I could walk across the fields with this big beaming smile on my face, with my soul dancing in the wind because it has found true joy. And that woman in the supermarket would have a good day because I took the time to look at her and speak to her and say something nice. Would the world explode if I did that?

Be The Change You Want To See In The World

I finally get that quote. I don't want to be a victim of the people around me anymore. I don't want the environment to get the better of me. If I want the change, I'll be the change. If I want the world to smile more, if I want to be this super-powered wonderous version of me, I'll be it. I'll tear down the walls that've kept me being normal-me-not-quite-wonderful-me. I'm going to be the great version of me, starting right now. Life isn't always going to be wonderful, but it will only go downhill if I let circumstances dictate my mood.

I am happy.

I am alive.

I believe.

I love.

I live.

Will you join me, starting today?

Privilege

In 1944, I could have been a Polish Jew, 7 years old-- starved for nine months and then had my little body gassed without my family knowing.

In 1993 I could have been a Muslim woman in Yugoslavia, being raped by Serbian men and not knowing why.

I could be a 50 year old African man in 2009, or I could be that same man in 1999 but I'd be forty years old, or it could be 1989 and I'm 30 years old. And the whole time my family have looked at me to find them water, and only occasionally could I deliver.

In 2003, I could have been an Iraqi school teacher who's just inspired a young child to do a really beautiful drawing. I could have survived my school being bombed with only a broken leg.

It could be 1860, and this white man is beating me because I didn't clean the shit in his front yard quite to his liking. But it's not as bad as it sounds because I hardly knew I was human at the time.

In 2009, I could be an English guy in his 20's who hardly looks at the news at all, hardly knows anything, hardly cares. I could be a guy in his 20's who get stressed when his internet connection doesn't work, I could get angry at people when they don't speak English.

I could have been anything at all.

You could have been anything at all.

These people are all still around us, in different ways.

I don't want to judge anymore.

I don't want to hate.

I want to know about your life.

I want to know where you grew up.

I want to know your history.

I want to be your friend.