misty day

Damp. 6am. Misty morning long ago. Sleeping bags. Brown leaves under foot, dragged in on our feet.

Zip and out. Lake quietly trickling. Ready to go but everyone's sleeping. Desperately cold. Horses and birds appear and disappear.

u are ok x

So many people
So many places
So many ways
You're not as stuck as you think

like you're not hurting

a game of no strings
like you're cool
like you're free
sorry they hurt you
so sorry they hurt you

explicit and flirty
like you're special
like you're unique
sorry he did that
so sorry he did that

smash it up

You smash it up and rip it down and turn it inside out. It's all you know to do.

It was something or anything but when it opens up you smash it down. Don't let it breath! Smash it up, tear it down. Why? Why? When will you do it better?

You smash it up and rip it down and wish it was better. Wish you were better.

Let it be let it be let it be. You just want to let it be and see where it lands. But you find it where it starts and smash it to pieces.

You won't get back cause you can't go back and you could be anywhere now. It's a haze, and it's gone. She wanted the tiny little piece of you where it still shone but you smashed it up, tore it down, and left it gone; with nothing around.

you give yourself away

so you get along and she comes along and you lend her a book and she loves it and you talk and talk about all these things but you hold back by just about two footsteps because you know she's gonna disappear with that other guy because that's what happens so you're separated by about five yards because the closer you get the more you numb out when she goes into a life that is shaped by that other guy who she wouldn't meet if the world was nice but the world is the world and all the connections you feel are just a cruel joke so you get really close to her so close that it's almost love but you keep a distance by about two lengths of your arm and that way when she goes off with someone else into a life you never saw coming you'll be lucky that you weren't touching and that's why we don't look deep into their eyes because it'll be gone gone gone and all the books you shared and words you said were just something she'll remember maybe or maybe not when she's eighty five but until then she's nowhere to be seen anymore

girl in the room

that moment

you realize

it's the other guy

she likes.

they sit there

little looks

little moments

you sit over there inside yourself

and you can't get out

you never get out

you fold over and exist no more