While You Were Sleeping.

I'm awake. I think I'm awake. I'm not moving. Am I still asleep?. Who's that? Am I dreaming?. Wiggle toe, wiggle. Come on. Hold on, I'm not breathing properly. What is going on? Am I breathing? Fuck--- come on, am I breathing?. I'll scream. I'm screaming. I'm shouting. Can't you hear me?.

You are not shouting. You're laying dead still.

I am not asleep, I know this because I can feel my arm under me, I can sense my whereabouts, I'm awake. Okay, time to get up. I'm lifting my arm up. I'm opening my eyes. I'm looking around the room. Come on eyes, open! open!. I'm pushing out with my arms, and I'm calling. Is no-one hearing me?.

Your arms are not moving. You are not calling. Are you breathing?.

Oh fuck, is this it? Am I breathing? Am I going to die in my sleep? This is it, oh God. This is awful. I'm trying to fight, nothing is happening. Okay, maybe I'll just chill out. Okay, I'm chilling out.

A wave crushes through you. It's like you're being zapped away on a rollercoaster, or taken to some other plain of existence. You're definitely not laying in your bed anymore.

But I am laying in my bed. I'm not moving, I'm hardly breathing, I feel a pressure on me. COME ON FEET, MOVE! GET ME OUT OF THIS!. Oh God, Oh God.. who was that? What is that figure in my room? What's that sound? What's that blue flash? Oh my God. I'm dead. Am I dead? I'm not breathing. Oh God. Oh God. Please help me. Someone please help me! Oh fucking God what is happening to me.

You are sleeping peacefully.

OH FUCK, please. Just let me breath. Let me open my eyes. Let me move. I can almost feel my little finger. Come on boy, move that finger. Maybe you can do something.

You are laying dead still.

Come on, come on finger! Fuck, I've stopped breathing. Fuck. Come on.

Your finger moved.

You've opened your eyes.

I'm awake!!! I'm breathing! I'm alive! I'm normal. Okay, things are fine. Although, I feel like there's a ghost in the room. I'm turning the light on.

--This is the joy of Sleep Paralysis.

me, myself, and myself again.

I am working hard to get somewhere, I am trying to prove myself.

Fuck you.
You never allow yourself to rest. You worry that people seeing you resting is proof you're not working hard.

I am always channelling ideas. Hunting them down. Working on them.

Your ideas are not as good as everyone elses.

You need to realise that more truthful ideas will come to you if you let them occur naturally, you need to give your imagination time to breath.

I am worried that people are going to die.

Yep, everyone's going to die the minute they're out of your sight.

You need to realize they are going to die. We all are. What's next?

I want the girl, but I have all these limits. They're in my head. They tell me she's out of my league.

She's fucking hot. She could have anyone. I bet she's fucking someone right now.

You need to shut up and get the girl. You need to realize it always stalls at the same moment, because that's the limit of your personality, based on past experience. Break it. Get past yourself.

I worry she won't want me.

Well, duh.

You need to realise that she might not want you, but why are you worrying?

I want to be doing something great!

You're too boring.

You need to close the laptop.

I want to go places, meet people, do things! I want to stumble, fall, dream and fly!

You don't have the money. Or the time. Or the personality. Fuck you.

You need to say 'I am currently going places, meeting people, I am stumbling, falling, dreaming, flying!