Wednesday, 29 July 2009

While You Were Sleeping.

I'm awake. I think I'm awake. I'm not moving. Am I still asleep?. Who's that? Am I dreaming?. Wiggle toe, wiggle. Come on. Hold on, I'm not breathing properly. What is going on? Am I breathing? Fuck--- come on, am I breathing?. I'll scream. I'm screaming. I'm shouting. Can't you hear me?.

You are not shouting. You're laying dead still.

I am not asleep, I know this because I can feel my arm under me, I can sense my whereabouts, I'm awake. Okay, time to get up. I'm lifting my arm up. I'm opening my eyes. I'm looking around the room. Come on eyes, open! open!. I'm pushing out with my arms, and I'm calling. Is no-one hearing me?.

Your arms are not moving. You are not calling. Are you breathing?.

Oh fuck, is this it? Am I breathing? Am I going to die in my sleep? This is it, oh God. This is awful. I'm trying to fight, nothing is happening. Okay, maybe I'll just chill out. Okay, I'm chilling out.

A wave crushes through you. It's like you're being zapped away on a rollercoaster, or taken to some other plain of existence. You're definitely not laying in your bed anymore.

But I am laying in my bed. I'm not moving, I'm hardly breathing, I feel a pressure on me. COME ON FEET, MOVE! GET ME OUT OF THIS!. Oh God, Oh God.. who was that? What is that figure in my room? What's that sound? What's that blue flash? Oh my God. I'm dead. Am I dead? I'm not breathing. Oh God. Oh God. Please help me. Someone please help me! Oh fucking God what is happening to me.

You are sleeping peacefully.

OH FUCK, please. Just let me breath. Let me open my eyes. Let me move. I can almost feel my little finger. Come on boy, move that finger. Maybe you can do something.

You are laying dead still.

Come on, come on finger! Fuck, I've stopped breathing. Fuck. Come on.

Your finger moved.
You've opened your eyes.

I'm awake!!! I'm breathing! I'm alive! I'm normal. Okay, things are fine. Although, I feel like there's a ghost in the room. I'm turning the light on.

--This is the joy of Sleep Paralysis.


  1. did you know that years ago they used to think it attributed to "evil" presences or night demons? Research has been done on this and they now believe it is simply a sign that your body is not moving smoothly through the stages of sleep.It occurs when a person passes between stages of wakefulness and sleep. During the transition you are unable to move or speak for a few seconds or sometimes even minutes. Some people also feel pressure or a sense of choking. you captured all of that in this post... not something that anyone would want to have to suffer thru!!

  2. I love your new blog...your new writing. Can't get enought of it actually.

  3. thank you very much otherworldlyone, i'm not totally sure where all this has come from, but here it is.

    well i know where the sleep paralysis has come from, my own experience-- but everything else is just by rambleitis.

  4. This may sound odd & I'm not trying to be funny in anyway as I have suffered from these hellish feelings which do and are very real. Has felt as if I'm being posessed at times.Extremely frightening!!!I definately believe it has something to do with not breathing enough or shallow breathing & have found that out since using self tanning cream as I have not had these terrors since.Really don't know what it is that's in the tanning agent but after I put it on my body within a few hours I feel more stable minded & have noticed my breathing is alot better.I have to keep putting it on every few days or the symptoms return though!.May look like an Umpa Lumpa!lol but it beats living in a nightmare!

  5. wow i've totally experienced this multiple times...But I also get a sensation like im flying and i cana literally feel the air passing thru me....its insane and when i wake up i just wake up terrified but im not really terrified as its all happenening