what happens is, we meet for coffee. and i say 'no, i'll pay,' and then we sit and drink coffee and i talk for a while about how my career is going okay but not perfect but kinda good but okay it could be better but really i am also very excited and oh hold on she's starting to get bored so maybe i'll talk about her.
so then she talks about her ex and talks a bit about some other dude and then some family member called julie and mentions julie as if i should know julie and i nod along and then she looks at me for some kind of psychological insight and then i say 'oh yeah, you do that as a defence mechanism' and then she looks at me like i am some kind of god of insight.
and then i say we should get another coffee and then she says i should really go so i say that's a defence mechanism and she says no i should just really go so then she goes.
and this happens a lot with like a million different girls. a lot of guys get to their limits of comfort by merely being near a girl, some reach their point of fear at the very moment of sex, i reach my peak in the middle of starbucks.
so, as i look back at my career of coffee, i realise, i have had a lot of coffee with a lot of girls. and now i look back and i think, hold on-- surely, quite possibly, i guess maybe at least some of them could have liked me? if another dude i know went across town to meet a girl who'd also travelled across town just to do coffee i'd think hey hold on maybe she wants coffee. but with me they just want coffee. or so i assume. but now i wonder, maybe i was in there.
but in my mind it's like 'dude it's just coffee.' but why would they meet me a lot just for a caffeine kick? i'm not stupid, i know a lot of them would. i mean, why the fuck not, what else is there to do on a thursday afternoon at 4pm if you're not working? but maybe, somewhere, in my long list of girls i meet to discuss the world with and to give made up insights too --- at least some of them, surely, maybe, hopefully, definitely, okay maybe not at all, possibly... could have seen me in more of a positive light than just the dude they drink coffee with?
i don't know. maybe not.
i prefer tea anyway.