Wednesday, 12 August 2009

king of the coffees.

i know guys who would kill to meet a hot girl for a coffee. i meet hot girls for coffees all the time. i am the king of the coffee.

what happens is, we meet for coffee. and i say 'no, i'll pay,' and then we sit and drink coffee and i talk for a while about how my career is going okay but not perfect but kinda good but okay it could be better but really i am also very excited and oh hold on she's starting to get bored so maybe i'll talk about her.

so then she talks about her ex and talks a bit about some other dude and then some family member called julie and mentions julie as if i should know julie and i nod along and then she looks at me for some kind of psychological insight and then i say 'oh yeah, you do that as a defence mechanism' and then she looks at me like i am some kind of god of insight.

and then i say we should get another coffee and then she says i should really go so i say that's a defence mechanism and she says no i should just really go so then she goes.

and this happens a lot with like a million different girls. a lot of guys get to their limits of comfort by merely being near a girl, some reach their point of fear at the very moment of sex, i reach my peak in the middle of starbucks.

so, as i look back at my career of coffee, i realise, i have had a lot of coffee with a lot of girls. and now i look back and i think, hold on-- surely, quite possibly, i guess maybe at least some of them could have liked me? if another dude i know went across town to meet a girl who'd also travelled across town just to do coffee i'd think hey hold on maybe she wants coffee. but with me they just want coffee. or so i assume. but now i wonder, maybe i was in there.

but in my mind it's like 'dude it's just coffee.' but why would they meet me a lot just for a caffeine kick? i'm not stupid, i know a lot of them would. i mean, why the fuck not, what else is there to do on a thursday afternoon at 4pm if you're not working? but maybe, somewhere, in my long list of girls i meet to discuss the world with and to give made up insights too --- at least some of them, surely, maybe, hopefully, definitely, okay maybe not at all, possibly... could have seen me in more of a positive light than just the dude they drink coffee with?

i don't know. maybe not.

i prefer tea anyway.


  1. Nice. Maybe you'll invite the right girl to tea inadvertently instead of coffee and you'll just know.

  2. Your approach is all wrong, my friend, because women LOVE coffee. WITH cake! If you just buy us coffee, we'll think that you're "just the coffee" guy, but when you throw in a slice of chocolate cake-cream delight: we're taking it to a whole other level!

  3. Any chick that starts talking about an ex or whining about personal problems on a date (especially if it's a 1st it coffee or dinner, whatever)is not someone you want to start something with. You'll probably get pushed into the friend zone, if you even last that long.

    Good luck buddy.

  4. I have to agree with OWO ... if she's talking to you about ex's and other guys then you're probably already in the friend zone.

    When a girl really likes you and wants you, you'll know it, trust me ... we make it kinda obvious ;)