and you know that cancer isn't a thing in the body like the doctors say it is, but really it's this cloud that hovers around, it's like this thing in the air. and it's just waiting. it's just waiting.
and you become much better at everything in life. you realise a problem at work is just a problem at work, and stress is just stress and arguments are just people who have problems with themselves. so in that respect, you're better off. but in other ways, you become scared of your phone. you've been meaning to change the ringer for years. because you feel like every time it rings it'll be that cloud saying 'i'm sorry, someone you love had a lapse in concentration so i entered their body.'
it feels like a cloud that is right there, waiting.
and when that phone rings, you hope so badly that it is just a friend wanting to chat. but chatting with a friend is hard to do because you keep messing that up. you almost feel guilty because, if the cloud was calling--then you'd know what to do, you'd know where to go. you'd know what procedures the guys in white coats are going to do to try and take the cloud away.
sometimes the sun will shine but you always know there will be more clouds on the horizon. you have seen them scattered all around you, more times than you would think is possible; even the devil would be miffed, even a dice would say it's impossible, even the law of attraction wouldn't be this quick.
this cloud has taken people i love, it has almost taken people i love, and it continues to spread rumours of a comeback. personally, i hope it takes an extended break from touring. it's not that the family don't have the power to KICK YOUR FUCKING ASS if you come near us again, it's just that-- we'd rather have some holidays, heartbreaks, heatwaves and healing.
and then we got the news today that 'it's nothing to worry about.' and we smiled. and we kind of broke down a little. and we kind of felt okay. and maybe tomorrow will be a good day.