Monday, 27 July 2009

Just get on with it.

I had this feeling and it said "when she's not in your life, you'll be a lot happier," and it's funny, because it sounded just like that voice that spoke to me the other day, it said, "When you have that job, and you live in that house-- you'll feel like fresh air, you'll feel as fine as the sand you'll see out your window."

And I. can. almost. feel it. I am almost me, I just need to get there first. I just need to get that love in my life, and I need to get that paycheck and I need to get that plane ride. When I have those, I'll be that amazing me I've always known I would be. You know who I mean-- it's the me who has a great tan, and a smile-- and my jokes hit the spot because I'm so relaxed and at ease when I tell them.

I'll be so much better then. I keep meaning to be that version of me, like when I'm in a shop and the woman is taking ages to scan my shopping. I keep meaning to smile, and be at ease with it; because life is wonderful. But life isn't quite wonderful. There's too much going on, I'm too busy and my head is all abuzz. If Johnny wasn't ill, and Claire wasn't being awkward and if my boss would listen to me, then I would be happy; because one day, I'm going to inspire people, and do charity work, and change the world bit by bit. But yeah, after that stuff is sorted out.

But hold on.

It's just like a few years back when I was almost ready to be that better version of me. I was going to let my hair be more natural, I was going to be less uptight, I was going to smile-at-you and I was going to be wonderful. But there were reasons I couldn't back then-- just like now.

The nature of life...

..Is that if Johnny isn't ill, then Mary will probably be ill. And if Claire isn't being awkward, then Natalie is probably going to be really manipulative; and if my boss was listening to me; then maybe my Brother would not understand me. The nature of life is that there are always obstacles.

Does that mean I can never be the wonderful version of me? Will life always stop me from smiling? Will it stop me from being the random, freewheelin' stumbler I am in my imagination? Why am I not the cool, loving, at ease soul who I feel in my heart? What is stopping him from being?

Well if Johnny is ill and my brother isn't understanding me and Natalie is being manipulative, in fact; even if everything seems to be stumbling and falling-- couldn't I just be happy anyway? Wouldn't that makes things better?

I could smile, I could be joyful. I could walk across the fields with this big beaming smile on my face, with my soul dancing in the wind because it has found true joy. And that woman in the supermarket would have a good day because I took the time to look at her and speak to her and say something nice. Would the world explode if I did that?

Be The Change You Want To See In The World

I finally get that quote. I don't want to be a victim of the people around me anymore. I don't want the environment to get the better of me. If I want the change, I'll be the change. If I want the world to smile more, if I want to be this super-powered wonderous version of me, I'll be it. I'll tear down the walls that've kept me being normal-me-not-quite-wonderful-me. I'm going to be the great version of me, starting right now. Life isn't always going to be wonderful, but it will only go downhill if I let circumstances dictate my mood.

I am happy.
I am alive.
I believe.
I love.
I live.

Will you join me, starting today?


  1. Did you laugh? Did you love? Did you say everything you wanted to say?

    Yes, I'll go there with you.

  2. I needed to read this one today. Thank you.

  3. I'm there. Count me in.

    And thank you so much for this. It came into my life at just the right time.

  4. Why did I read that and feel like raising my arms in the air and crying like one of those people at a Jesus concert?

  5. OH this is an AWESOME post...very powerful!!!! I wish everyone would read it and let it mean something to truly says SO much!!! Thank you again for sharing this!!

  6. Good for you! :)

    I believe you could change the world with writing like this.

  7. wow, thank you so much for the comments all, I really appreciate it. You help me feel confident about my writing, and my voice-- which is never that easy.

    Girl Interrupted; I'm not sure about changing the world, my readership is not particularly large! I'm just happy to talk to you 8 wonderful people for now :)